It's 5 AM

A brewing pot of coffee would be an inviting smell this morning. The early morning air is chilly but not as windy as I first thought (having just turned off the ceiling fan), and the sounds of the roadway not too far from the house are picking up. I am laying here on my bed wondering why I am still up.

I think the echoes of other people's pain have left an imprint on me, and in my own struggle to come to terms with reading it I am not able to shake their stories easily. So, here I am writing this blog post.

Around midnight, I began watching Ghost Hunters. The episode was on a old theater in Chicago. I've come to love watching ghost related shows. I think they are fascinating. One of my favorite shows to watch is Ghost Lab. The next and final thing I watched was "Lady in the Water." It was a little disturbing to watch these type of shows at night, especially without me feeling tired enough to sleep.

I am hoping by posting this entry that I can let go of some of the stuff that has caused me some emotional strife.

So, here are some things that I am going to think of...meditate upon...

Yesterday had been a constructive day for me. I was able to take a long nap to recuperate from a lung-membrane infection. We went grocery shopping. I picked up some much needed contact lens stuff (rewetting drops and cleaner). Most importantly though, Tien was able to spend some time outside with his cousin. They ate their dinner outside, too..

I am hearing..."Mommmmmyy" (Tien cries out just right now. I guess he is trying to see if I am still here next to him.)

I am thinking...of how I need to meditate on things that bring me peace in this moment, how love is the greatest gift of all, and that I am say grateful to have a Savior who loves me more than I could ever love Him.

I am thankful for...being able to see the beauty in just watching Tien play yesterday outside. He is so carefree and full of life.

I am wearing...is my skibbies (I don't like to wear anything to go to bed)

I am hoping...to get some sleep as soon as I finish this post

I am reading...actually, was reading other people's posts on borderline personality disorder and motherhood

I am creating...in my mind a new perspective on how to view the simple things I do as a way I show self-love. For instance, I took a shower last night, and to me at this moment shows that I love myself enough to clean myself up.

Around the house...everyone else is sleeping and I can hear an intermittent chorus of snoring

One of my favorite things...to do is use my hands and imagination to create something beautiful like my goddess sculpture of me pregnant.

Things I am hoping for...are many more moments lived, guided by the love in my heart and in the here and now

A few plans for the rest of the day...I am not sure what I plan on doing the rest of the day except rest my lungs and get some sleep plus spend some quality time with Tien

A prayer concern I'm sharing with you...there are so many people who live with the stigma of mental illness, and they struggle to cope with how it affects them and their loved ones....actually everyone around them. My prayer for them is for them to find out about the Love that can endure and guide them into having a peaceful life. Can you raise up someone you may know who suffers from mental illness?

And, what I would like to say is that I hope I realize how blessed I am to be here today. Each moment lived is a gift from God above. He loved me so much that He thought the world needed someone like me, and I only hope and pray that I recognize the call to love another no matter what situation they may be in