Trying to Focus

It's been a while since I struggled with such temptation in my life and desire to have male friends. Trying to have a male friend is quite a distraction to me. I wish just to be held, reassured and loved in the way I need right now. I want to keep my focus on God first, but like in scriptures "man cannot serve two gods." It's so true. On one hand, I want to just cave in and live in the moment, but on my terms and those aren't the greatest thoughts for me and who I am in Christ now. I miss my church family so badly. I miss my friends at Celebrate Recovery. The bond between the women I miss. I miss seeing them and knowing that no matter what I was loved and not judged. I missed being able to worship the Lord and not worry about who or what I had to expect to take me. I need more of God. I need more of His mercies and grace because I feel I am steps away from forever screwing up stuff in my life. I feel so angry. Here I have been these last six months and I still don't know what I am doing. Am I on the right track? Spiritually, I feel more worse than when I was in Maryland. I rather be beaten than go through trying over and over again.