Guilt

You know what the worse thing a person can say to you? That your child needs you, and you have work (whether that be getting medical attention, working or doing volunteering work). It's really depressing to me to hear that day in and day out. "Why don't you pay him more attention?" "Why don't you focus on loving him?" "If you spent a little more time with him, he wouldn't be acting out as much." This is what I hear from most everyone. It makes me more depressed. In fact it makes me feel guilty for not making the same choices they would make, but I know in my own heart of hearts that I want the best for him. Or how about, "I can't replace you as his Mom. You are supposed to be his most stable person in his life." Jesus just hold me close in your arms and let me fade away. I know you will turn my sorrow and grief into joy and moments of truly living. My standard of living is opposite of what someone else would do, and I am not sorry that I have to rely on them to be better than what I was months and years ago. I feel like giving up, but I wouldn't want my son to feel like I was abandoning him...let alone that he was the problem. I don't know what else to say. I feel so disappointed on so many levels I can't begin to understand.