A Blessed Hope

There has been something inside of my heart that has changed, and I think the word for it is called a Blessed Hope. I used to listen to song lyrics like Chris Tomlin's "I Will Rise" and Tenth Avenue North's song "By Your Side" and believe it was God beckoning me to come home. After much discernment and few bouts of suicidal idealizations, I found strength to continue because God didn't beckon me home and I kept on breathing. I don't want to sound bitter. I want to sound of hope. I found strength and comfort in knowing Jesus knows my pain. I have yearned more than any time in my life to live and take life for what it is. In this journey, I have found a hope that last eternally and a candlelight that never flickers. I keep thinking of Psalm 121. I think of how it keeps me in perspective of who I am in Christ. And how, it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives within me as I die to myself and allow His Holy Spirit to work within me. I've come down a long hard pathway using a bulldozer at times to not be defeated by that silent enemy called satan who wishes nothing but to cause a person like you and me misery. I've not reached my destination either. I am still taking life for what it is, and remembering the words I pray in the Serenity Prayer to hold a ton of truth. In it, I find a way to accept, to be of courage and good cheer, and to know the ways of my Lord and Savior as I allow Him to Lord over all aspects of my life. Its been hard work, but it isn't by any might of my own strength but of God. All glory to Him for He is a Living Savior.

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin
There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise